I was asked to write about this 🙂
To me.. Sex is just not that important.
I know some guys are probably thinking I should shut up lol but I’m not talking about making him wait for 90 days or whatever… I just don’t think it contributes that much to a relationship. I’ve read that it releases frustration and other stuff but I just don’t think that a relationship should be dependent on it. Here are a few reasons why:
- Before sex comes communication and if you don’t have that in a relationship, it’s doomed.
Sex cannot make him stay. Love can. Sex and love are two different things. I mean, anyone can have sex but making love is special. You are connecting on another level. You fall in love with a person’s mind and who they are. Not how good they are in bed. I believe if a person is crap in bed they can be taught. Females can see a gynaecologist if lady bits aren’t reacting properly. He isn’t going to leave you because you don’t want to have sex! If he does…let him go. What good is a relationship if you cannot even talk about things? What, you just go to his house, lay down and say I love you baby? That’s not a relationship my darling. It is not at all.
- It will be important in a marriage but focus on getting there. Before marriage you are still getting to know each other. (Mummy says you never really know someone until you live with them lol). It is a personal choice to wait until marriage and I am one to think that marriage makes “sex” more special. As a wife, it would mean making a priority of meeting his intimacy needs and saying he is more important than anything else especially when words fail. But as a girlfriend, you are just not there yet. Before you lay down with someone you must feel safe and secure – a feeling that is definitely involved in a marriage and not in a relationship (sometimes). This is simply because you are not ready. You are still learning how to be one. While lovers may naturally relate more deeply and honestly than friends, genital sex is by no means necessary for genuine community.
- You know once you get married, sex dies down because there are other priorities in a family. If sex is what is holding you together and nothing else what happens then? Im sure you might start looking somewhere else to give you what sex gave you. Sex is not love. Love cannot be explained. It differs in relationships. Westerners see sex as something they are supposed to do. Its more than that. Everyone knows about soul ties and soul mates. When you’ve truly made one, they won’t be asking for sex. For anything. All they’ll want is to make you happy. Does sex make you happy? Maybe for 5 seconds or for long you can do it.
- Love is not about meeting your needs. Before sex and even marriage you should see if you meet each other on the intellectual, physical, emotional and spiritual level. Sex without a relationship will leave you empty and dissatisfied. Those who abstain from having sex weed out those who need just want sex and see those who want a genuine relationship. They want you for you who are, not the pleasure sex gives them. (Guys who lie about sex make me sick. Do not do it. You will have daughters and karma is very much real ^_^)
- It has been reported than those who waited to be in a serious relationship or till marriage to have sex has a satisfaction rating of at least 4.2 out of 5 compared to the 3 out of 5 who didn’t wait. So ha. lol
- Remember, you want love, not lust. True love will wait. True love will be felt emotionally and is not sexual desire. It is this emotion that will create the connection needed to a long lasting and genuine relationship. Sex might not even meet your partner’s needs. What are you going to do then? I have no idea who said that sex was a crucial and high priority matter in relationships. It draws attention away from the things that really matter like friendship, chemistry and communication. Don’t lose focus on why you love someone because of it! Sex won’t fix the problems you are having. It might even add to it.
- There are ways to be intimate without sex. Go out. Explore your minds. Cook together. Gym together. Long walks. Talk about serious things. Communication is key. Can you be with someone you cannot talk to?! Show them you care without touching lol. This isn’t even a joke. I know some of you are thinking I’m talking about rubbish.
- If you’re looking for something to last a lifetime, than basing sex as a very important factor in your relationship is not good. Very few keep the sexual pace up through their marriage. Everyone hits lulls and sex does drop off in frequency as the years go by. Love and sex are not the same thing; this is something some people never learn. Sex without love is just physical. Love without sex can be pure, spiritual and true. But sex with someone you love unequivocally, can be gentle and tender, hot and wild, comfortable or simply sublime. And don’t ever forget that the most important sexual organ is the brain.
- It’s those relationships that are heavily based on sex that usually don’t wind up making it for very long. That’s because that while sex is an “important” part of a relationship, in the end it’s how you navigate the bad times that really define how strong your relationship is. Too many people are willing to bail when bad times happen because it’s easy to fix with a legal procedure and piece of paper, and sex is readily available elsewhere. In fact, over time if your relationship is based heavily on sex the boredom factor alone tends to lead people to cheat or split up, because they have no other solid foundation.
I will leave you with this -“We need to be patient with ourselves, and with each other, as we look to the future, trusting in the on-going process of Life. Let us each move in the direction of that form of inclusive, intimate love which is most appropriate for us, being true to ourselves and faithful to those with whom we are in a relationship.”
Loool I’ve written another essay. I’m sure there is much more to this. (let me know what you think! Comment and share).
Anything else you want me to write about?